pullmeoutalive | Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe;

At night?? That's dangerous to do on your own! Though I guess you already know that...

[ but an inexperienced swimmer out in the ocean? That gave her chills, even in this warmth. ]

[...haaaa. Makoto just nods, and he's about to make this worse, he knows.]

There was a storm--that's what woke me up. A rainstorm came in and that's when I noticed Rei was missing.

[So now we're at an inexperienced swimmer in the ocean at night during a storm.

...and Makoto realizes just how bad the situation already sounds (and was) and rubs the back of his neck with a shaking hand. But he laughs--even if there's a shaky edge to that too.]

[ it's hard to miss that tremulous edge to his voice, to him-- and she almost reaches out, just to grasp his knee or touch his head or something... but she doesn't. Not yet. ]

... You went after him?

[ on your own? ]

[He just steadies himself as much as he can, smiling weakly at her.]

Of course I did...I couldn't just leave him out there to drown.

[...h-haa...]

Not that I did much good out there, in the end...

[As captain, as a swimmer, as a friend...he didn't help at all. He couldn't even save his friend.]

I can tell you right now that there aren't a lot of people who would go running into something that made them uncomfortable when it's at its most dangerous.

[ and she means it. ]

Makoto-kun... that you even risked your life like that in the first place-- I think that makes you incredibly brave.

[...he knows that what she's saying is true. He knows it, but it doesn't really help. Whether he was brave or not--whether he did all of that or not...

And slowly, his shoulders slump, and he covers his face with his hands, sighing slowly and shakily, breath hitching.]

I...I got out there, and I saw him-- d-drowning there and I--

[...He's struggling to not break down too terribly here, but with Makoto-chan right there and nobody else around...maybe it's easier to be honest like this.]

I froze and I...couldn't do anything at all.

[And his breath hitches again as he tries so hard to steady his breathing, because the terror and the feel of it, the feel of drowning in the ocean that he was so afraid of, was still right there, looming.]

[ Now, and she moves, because even if Makoto doesn't completely understand why, she knows what it's like to be scared and helpless and frozen. And she knows, most importantly, that she needs to be there for someone who had held back more than he ever should have.

So she reaches for him, bringing his head down to rest against her shoulder. ]

Makoto-kun... hey. [ softly, though her throat feels tight. ] You're both safe. That's the most important thing.

... That would be scary for anyone, though.

[He doesn't resist when she pulls his head down to rest on her shoulder; instead he swallows hard, breathing still uneven, as he tries to get control of himself and not break down completely on her.

It takes him a few moments before he can speak past the tightness in his throat, though.]

I-if Haru hadn't been there, I would have drowned. [it's the first time he's said it, and the first time he's thought it too--he knew, in a way, but it was too much to think about.

But now he knows for sure...he would have drowned out there. Just like the men on that boat, years and years ago. He would not have been able to swim to safety, and he would have drowned.]

I...would have drowned...

[And the realization is enough to tip him over the edge. He'd wanted to cry then, he really had, but Haru and Nagisa and Rei had all been there watching him and expecting things of him, and he hadn't been able to lose it there. Not there on the shore after he'd nearly died, and not in the abandoned shack either.

Perhaps it's fitting that it's here, in the sunshine, that the tears finally fall.]

[ it's something of a relief, to know he isn't forcing himself anymore. But at the same time, it's utterly heartbreaking. She hadn't thought it would hurt this much to see him cry, but then she hadn't thought he would.

But Makoto won't ask him to stop. Instead, she keeps a hold on him, her free hand coming up to stroke his hair, the same way he'd comforted her on that fateful day. But he probably hadn't had the same problem, that of holding back tears, because the thought of him drowning hurts. Of course it does, she just... hadn't thought-- ]

Then... thank Haru-san for me. [ she manages a quiet voice, albeit a shaky one. ] And thank you, for coming back.

[Her words do get through to him, and after a few moments more, he manages to get control over his tears and breathing. He's still a little shaky all around, but with a quiet, wavering sigh, Makoto manages to swallow and slowly calm down.

But he doesn't move from his current position, cheek still gently pressed to her shoulder.

And after that brief moment, he nods slowly.]

I'm...okay now. Or better than I was, anyway. And...Rei is fine too.

[...and now that he realizes, he's starting to feel very sheepish indeed, and almost feels the need to pull away because of it. But...this is fine, right? It's okay that he stays like this.]

[ she nods-- carefully, so as not to dislodge or collide with him, but after a few minutes, she gently shifts. It's not by a whole lot; she's just reaching for his hands now, pulling them towards her, and hopefully he won't be looking at her while she's starting to turn red (because she was only unintentionally suave with girls).

Not that it stops her from cupping his hands in her own and bringing them up to leave a light kiss across the joints of a few of his fingers. ]

... When I was younger and I'd hear stories about how princes could use their kisses to break spells or bring people back to life, I always thought it was amazing. I thought that they had some kind of miraculous strength.

[ she lowers her head a little, embarrassed but earnest. ]

So, I'll be a prince right now-- for you. Because I want to give you strength, too, and I don't think that's always something you can just do on your own.

[He's absolutely stunned speechless by this. For a moment, he just blinks at her, any remaining moisture in his eyes blinked away as he does so. He's still a bit of a disheveled mess, but...well, instead of looking absolutely distraught, as before, he just looks surprised.

Though that look then fades away to an achingly fond look, as he smiles gently at her. And in response, he lifts his head, but only to lean over and gently press his lips to her forehead, which is easiest to reach with her head bowed like that.

And his voice is a little wobbly, but overall, the shaking in both tone and his hands fades as he speaks.]

I've thought...for awhile now that you're the most amazing princess I've ever met. And now...you're willing to be my prince too.

[And he chuckles quietly, somehow touched beyond belief.]

So now I guess I just have to accept that you're the most amazing person I've ever met. No matter whether you're a prince or a princess at that particular moment.

[ none of this is killing her blush, but Makoto decides to just-- endure it. She wouldn't have minded if he'd laughed over such a silly-seeming gesture, but she should have remembered who she was with. He'd never once laughed at her, and the brief touch of lips on her forehead confirms it.

Her own laugh is a little wobbly when she peers up at him. ]

I'm not that amazing... isn't it just natural to want to do your best to help when someone important to you is upset?

[She's right, of course...it's only natural to do this. But he's still...so touched and surprised by it. It's so much more than he could have ever expected, from her or from anyone. But he's starting to realize that maybe...just maybe he should start expecting this from her, because he highly doubts she'll let him down.

And so, gently, he pulls a hand away only enough to try to wipe off his face a bit, if only because he feels a bit awkward like that.

And then he smiles, because...well, couldn't things be so much worse?]

That's right...of course it is. That doesn't change how amazing you are, though.

[...and he pauses a little, still resting his head on her shoulder, and then takes a deep breath. His friends wanted to know almost immediately, and now here Makoto-chan had had this happen twice and still had asked no questions.]

I think I owe you an explanation.

[ for a minute, Makoto just looks uncomprehending. Maybe because she was still touched and embarrassed, or maybe because she hadn't honestly been expecting an explanation for anything. Really, what would he have to explain? He just had some sort of fear regarding the-- oh.

She frowns, just a bit, as she uses her sleeve to help clear any lingering tear tracks from his face. ]

I don't think you owe me anything.

[ she didn't want him to feel obligated. ]

[He just smiles at her gently. Makoto-chan is always that way, huh? Looking after him, taking care of him, and it's like Haru when he tried to stop Nagisa and Rei, but at the same time, different. And he appreciates it so much, but...]

It's okay.

[That's always his answer in the end.

Though he does pause to arrange his thoughts and takes a deep breath before beginning.]

When I was a child...there was a harbor I enjoyed visiting as often as I could. I was there so often that I made friends with an old fisherman who had a boat he'd take out often.

[...the fisherman was the best, okay, he gave him the PLOT-RELEVANT GOLDFISH but Makoto isn't going to go into that right now.]

But one day...there was a storm, and the ship sank. They were so close to shore, though...they were only three kilometers out from the shore, and still...everyone drowned.

[...It made a deep impression on kid Makoto, and even now, he runs a shaking hand over his face, breathing out quietly.]

Three kilometers? But... that's so close...

[ and then, abruptly, she gets it. Because it had been so close, and yet the ocean wasn't the pool or a pond. There was always that force churning beneath the waves, and if that... ]

So that's why... no matter how close you are, the ocean isn't always going to be calm.

[ and she'd invited him right out into it. She won't voice that out loud, but the guilt's still there when she lowers her eyes. She should have noticed. Even if she hadn't known what he'd been through, she should have stopped the race the instant she'd seen him swim the way he had.

For this to happen now... ]

I guess it...made an impression on me.

[The laugh he gives then is quiet and a little self-deprecating, but...honestly, a swimmer who's afraid of the ocean...

But he does see her drop her gaze, and that's more than a clear indicator of guilt, and even if he doesn't know what's going through her head, he has a pretty good idea.

So he smiles a little.]

It's alright. I'm okay now...and I think...I'll definitely be okay in the future too.

You definitely will be. [ and she says it quietly, but she does look at him. ]

But... um, if it's okay to ask... why did you join the swim club? I mean, it's okay not to force yourself, so...

[Ah, yes, that's the obvious question, isn't it? And he smiles a little at that, because he already knows his answer, and it's silly, but so simple.]

That's...because I wanted to swim with Haru and the others.

[For that...he'd happily face his fears. It's all a matter of priorities.]

...

[ and she's not really that surprised. Of course it would lead back to that. ]

You really are an amazing friend, you know? I hope they realize that.

[...ah. He doesn't really think that that makes him an amazing friend--maybe a selfish one, if anything, but...

...]

They are definitely all understanding in their own ways.

[Haru and his overprotectiveness, and Nagisa and "You finally smiled!" and Rei and his inquisitive need to make sure everything is okay...

...]

I'm really lucky myself.

[ she can only imagine what he's thinking-- he always did kind of smile away his own good points, but this was one he shared with Haruka. No matter what, she'd always put her friendships first. He'd done the same, even with his fear.

So Makoto sighs a little now, but pats his head when it's so easily within reach. ]

So am I.

[And he leans into her touch easily enough, before smiling more fully and laughing quietly. She's always been so understanding, but...]

I'm really glad that you're here, Makoto-chan.

Where else would I be right now? I'm just sorry I don't live closer.

[ ... yeah, she'd been worried. ]

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