pullmeoutalive | Hold me like the river Jordan;

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Hold me like the river Jordan;

[ it's strange to be back here again. Not that Makoto found being near the ocean to be a particularly odd thing, but it's been a year, and so much has changed since then. They hadn't been as well known back then. They could run down the beach or leap into the ocean or get hit on without fear of being overly crowded (though the latter was mostly Miki). For the time being, staying in the ocean had kept recognition to a minimum, and the other idols had split up to stay low and relax in their own different ways.

In Makoto's case, the ocean was still the place to be, and she's happily trotting towards it after some additional time spent on dry land (mainly keeping the twins from burying the Producer completely). Is she expecting company?

No, but at least she's open to it. ]

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Okay, then! On my mark...

[ she'd raced Hibiki out to the rock before, and won, but Hibiki had also gotten distracted by the marine life. She's definitely curious to see how she'd fare against someone who actually did this as a school sport-- and really, just thinking of it like that is enough to get her fired up. ]

And... go!

[ ... and off she goes, plunging in with a surprisingly smooth dive once the water's deep enough for her to take on. ]

[Getting into the groove of a swimming match helps. There's the mark--and they're off, and he can swim, of course he can, he's a swimmer.

He's won a freestyle competition before, though that's usually more Haru's thing, and he can swim freestyle now. If he just focuses on the thought that this is a race--just got to get to the end, nothing more than that--then he'll be fine.

He's not really fooling anyone, though, because he's swimming as if something were chasing him, and he's only just gotten into the water.]

[ Makoto's usually arrow-straight when it comes to focus in a competitive event-- so it's a little strange that she feels an urge, no matter how slight, to check on her fellow competitor.

It's just a glance, managed in between her own strokes, but what she sees is enough to almost make her stop entirely. It's hard to get a decent look at him, but-- had she imagined it?

There's something painfully desperate about him.

... No, she thinks (hopes), maybe she's wrong. First things first, though: finish this race.

But even as she speeds up, there's that concern unfurling in her chest. ]

[They both have the same thought, to just finish the race, and that's the thought Makoto grasps onto. Finish the race, and he'll be fine. Swim as far as necessary, and he'll be safe. So long as he's swimming, and swimming fast, whatever it was that killed those boaters won't get him.

It's the ocean, but he can treat it like a pool.

When he reaches the end, he'll...be...fine....

And that carries him a great deal further, because that sort of thinking is believable--until he realizes that they set their goal out in the middle of the ocean. When he gets there, he won't, in fact, be safe. He'll be at his most vulnerable when they finish the race.

And thus it is that with only a few strokes to go, that's what makes him freeze up. He has enough sense when he goes under the water to kick and break the surface again, but it's a near thing.]

[ she's close to the outcropping, close enough that she could claim victory, but this time-- maybe the only time, Makoto abandons the goal.

Somewhat. In the end, when she turns, and he's not there, and there's no actual splashing forward movements where she thinks there ought to be and there's that note again, something's wrong-- she takes a deep breath and uses that part of the rock still under the water to push off back toward him. The force, the slip, scrapes a foot in the process, but she's too busy swimming his way to care.

... She misses him resurfacing, but she'll pop back up in a minute. ]

[It's hard for him to forget years and years of coaching that has been drilled into him, so he's managing to tread water, though his breathing is fast and ragged and he's definitely looking only a few inches from a panic attack. He's honestly lucky that he's been swimming for so long, because otherwise he'd be going under.

But he isn't, and he doesn't see Makoto coming towards him, as busy as he is trying to not hyperventilate, and trying to convince himself (unsuccessfully), that nothing is coming for him.

His lack of success leads to him being unable to move one way or the other, and so he's stuck treading water right in that one spot.]

[ he's not entirely wrong; something - or someone - is coming for him, and hopefully Makoto doesn't trigger that panic attack when she suddenly pops up from the water, not as panicked, but definitely worried. ]

Hey-- [ a cough. Okay, Makoto, maybe clear your lungs before you try to blurt things out. ] Are you okay??

[...well it certainly doesn't help. He draws in a sharp breath when she pops up suddenly, flailing a little, before regaining his sense and returning to desperately treading water.

But her words are...something he can latch onto. They're real and there and he draws in a few shuddery breaths before he even manages a nod.

Of course he nods, though. He's Makoto.]

Gotta--go back.

[It's time to swim on back--if he could get his arms and legs to move.]

[ easier said than done. While he's responding, he still doesn't look confident or steady at all, and they're far enough out that him actually panicking could be definite trouble.

Makoto treads water as she thinks-- and then she nods to herself and reaches out to grasp one of his hands. She won't tug. She just holds it, a solid reminder that if anything happens, he won't be facing it alone. ]

We'll go back together.

[The grip is an anchor to reality. And for some reason, her words make him laugh. Only for a short period of time, of course, because then a wave does a good job of splashing him right out of it before it can become hysteria but...

They'll go back together.]

A-alright.

[He thinks he can do that. It takes an immense amount of willpower to move from that spot, but slowly, he manages a swim stroke forward.

Right. Okay. He can do this.]

[ there's an encouraging smile, before she releases his hand. He'll need both of his arms to swim faster, if he can manage that, but as she lets go-- ]

If it gets too much, you can reach out. I'll be right here, okay?

[ and she will, matching her pace to his and keeping him in sight. He may be bigger than she is, but she'd like to think she has enough strength to keep him afloat if anything causes him to sink. ]

[He doesn't respond to the words in any verbal way, but his swimming strokes do get more firm and controlled. He can't think about how he's being chased, or he'll panic again--he can't think about it at all. So instead, he thinks about Makoto, and matches her strokes, and it works.

They're swimming, and they're synchronized, and when they reach the shallow water, Makoto knows they're safe.

And so he takes a deep breath, shuddering, and splashes right out of the water and onto the beach, for a moment just convincing himself--

They made it.]

[ it's weird to have this kind of unity with someone outside of her fellow idols, to realize they're trying to match each other, and that it's somehow working. Either way, it gets the job done, but even Makoto's a little tired when she stumbles out of the waves and staggers upright.

... Followed by a tight hiss when sand and that scraped sole mingle, and she plunks right back down on the sand and stares up at him. ]

... Good job!

[ and there's her cheerful smile, like it was just that, just a refreshing swim. ]

[...and he just flops down on the sand next to her. Her smile is infectious, and despite how terrible he's feeling, he can't help the sheepish smile that appears on his face in return.]

Ha...

[And he pauses to look out over the ocean, and then just resolutely closes his eyes.]

Sorry about that. I didn't expect it to get that bad.

Shouldn't I be the one apologizing? I might've forced you into it...

[ it had been a little scary, to see him like that. ]

...I'm on the swim team...It doesn't seem too much to me to ask someone on the swim team to swim.

[He's so embarrassed it hurts, now that the panic is fading away.

Ah...life...]

That's not wrong, but there's a big difference between a pool and the ocean!

... Um, but you already know that. More importantly, are you feeling better?

[ because she hasn't seen anyone freeze up that much since Chihaya, and that's still a memory that makes her chest ache. ]

I'm alright, thanks...

[Of course, he'd say that even if he wasn't, but that's just how it goes. He doesn't want her to worry so much...and even if his own chest still feels tight, he's not panicking anymore, which is an improvement.

He just drapes his arms over his knees and sighs, watching the water drip from his hair onto the sand.]

...It used to be all swimming, but...I've gotten better about it, in the pool. I'm sure that'll happen for the ocean, too.

[he's really not so sure, since the ocean is the very root of those fears, but hey. He's trying.]

[ a swimmer who had trouble swimming...

Well, trauma could do that. She knows all too well. ]

... You're amazing, Makoto-kun. [ she's dripping just as much, but that doesn't stop her from resting her cheek on her knees and looking his way. ] I might not know what happened, but facing your fears like that is incredible. All the same, you don't have to force it, either.

[...ah.

It's really funny, because despite everything, despite the friends that were there for him (in their own ways) at the time, nobody has ever said that to him before.

Haru hadn't understood at all, in fact, and Rin had been supportive, but baffled. So this is...absolutely startling, and he can't quite help his look of astonishment.]

That's...

[And he sighs, shoulders slumping, but looks a bit more relaxed than he did before.]

Thanks, but I'll be alright. Though...maybe I'll hold off swimming in the ocean for a bit.

That's fine! [ she might feel guiltier than she has in months, but Makoto's never had a problem with smiling. ]

I think I've done enough swimming for one day myself. If you don't mind company, anyway.

Are you sure?

[He looks a little wry at that.]

I don't want to keep you from your swimming.

I got a lot in, so don't worry about that! And besides, getting to spend time with a friend has always been more important to me.

[...oh Makoto-chan, how are you so sweet...

What he does say, laughing sheepishly, is--]

You're very cute, Makoto-chan. In that case, I'd appreciate the company.

[ the comment catches her off-guard, and heat pools in her cheeks before she lifts her head-- and bashfully studies her sandy feet instead. ]

Y-you think so...?

[ sometimes she hears it from Yukiho or Azusa. Boys, not so much. ]

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